Five tips to help an autistic child cope with masking after school

 If you have an autistic child who's been to school, here are a few tips to help them when they are home.

1. Have an area or room where your child can unwind and relax without any disturbances.

2. If your autistic child looks tired or stressed (can be both after having masked), let them relax in their own room.

3. If they want to stim or have fun with their special interests, let them.

4. When they are relaxed, then ask them if they have homework and when it has to be done by. Plan when they can do this.

5. Have a planner to hand to book these slots.

Here is a book that you can read all about autistic masking.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-Identify-Understand-Autism-Masking/dp/B0858WJW2M/ref=sr_1_11?tag=juliedayautho-21

I hope you have found this helpful.

Autistic masking at home

 I have been recording videos about autistic masking and what it is and how we mask. If you haven't listened to them yet, please do. They are on myYouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@julieday9517

As I am tired today, I thought I would continue with the series but with this blog. I am going to talk about autistic masking at home. Here are my thoughts.

Do I, or have I masked, at home? When I thought about this for the blog, I felt that my answer was, no, not when I was with my family indoors. When someone visited or we visited them, that was a different matter. Looking back over the years, I don't recall having to mask when I was at home with my family. If someone came to see us or stay with us, usually relatives, I think I did mask. Having to say hello, be cheerful to them. Or if we went and visited them, which I am thinking of years ago as a child when we visited an aunt and uncle on my dad's side, I definitely did mask. I remember I would play with my cousins for a while, then after enough time I would find my mum and be with her. Either sitting down in the lounge area or in the kitchen where she was helping my aunt. It was always when we went out anywhere that I masked. To the shops, to relatives, to hospitals. Any where with other people. Not when I was indoors with my own family. I feel that it was as an adult, especially after I was diagnosed with Asperger's, that the mask slipped and I would sometimes reveal my autism self. It would be when we had visitors and the noise of the chatting got too much for my brain and I sensed it becoming an overload so would go to another room to keep calm and quiet.

So, as an autistic, do you mask at home?

What is autistic masking?

 Have you ever heard the term 'autistic masking' and wondered what it is? It is what autistics, like me, do to try to fit in with the people and environment we are in at the time. Here is my short explanation about it and a couple of times I now believe I masked over the years. Watch my latest video to find out here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyZa5xZzMS0

As I mention at the end, like I always do, if you like what you have heard from me, please like and/or comment on the video. Also please subscribe to my channel. You will learn more about autism from me. I currently have 48 views and only posted it yesterday!

Happy listening.

Billy's children's books about autism recommendations

 Hello, Billy from Billy and the Sparkling Socks here.

I am here to tell you that as a writer and storyteller, one good way to learn about autism is to read books about autistic characters. As I am only eleven, here are a few recommendations of children's books featuring autistic characters, and most of them are written by autistic authors I have been told.

For teens

Geek Girl series by Holly Smale. The first one in the series is now on Netflix.

You can buy the book here

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Geek-Girl-Book/dp/0007489447/ref=sr_1_1?tag=juliedayautho-21

The State of Grace by Rachael Lucas

https://www.amazon.co.uk/State-Grace-Rachael-Lucas/dp/1509839550/ref=sr_1_1?tag=juliedayautho-21

The Secrets of my Spectrum by Callum Knight (a memoir)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Secrets-My-Spectrum-Callum-Knight/dp/1916258603/ref=sr_1_1?tag=juliedayautho-21

For middle school children

The Emily Edwards books by Laura Holt-Haslam

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Emily-Edwards-Equestrian-Extraordinaire-Holt-Haslam/dp/B09ZQFSHVR/ref=sr_1_7?tag=juliedayautho-21

For 7-9 year-olds

The Rainbow School series including my (Billy) story Billy and the Sparkling Socks

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/154264853X/ref=sr_1_1?tag=juliedayautho-21

The Pet Rescuers series featuring my classmates, Lyn and Pete.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lyn-Parrot-Pursuit-Julie-Day/dp/1915114047/ref=sr_1_1?tag=juliedayautho-21

(Contains affiliate links)

Happy reading. You can learn different things about autism and being autistic from each book.

Do squirrels like heights?

 (Note: this is the original cover that wasn't accepted by KDP. Read below to find out why).

Sorry I haven't been here recently. I have been busy with writing books, promoting and selling my books I've already published, and publishing new ones.

So, do squirrels like heights? Well, you will have to read Sammi's new and third adventure called 'The Dare' to find out. It took a bit longer to publish this book and here is why.

I started the publishing process on the Monday. I got so far on KDP where I had to upload the cover. I did that only to be told that KDP had a problem and that service wasn't available. I tried it a few times with the same result. I left it a few hours. I came back to it after lunch. It was working. But when I uploaded it and got to see it on the launch previewer screen, it was too small. I exited out of it and saved it. I then emailed my illustrator who did the cover as well and told her. I got back to it the next day and it worked this time. Success? Not quite yet. I then got an email from KDP to review the cover title. The series title wasn't clear enough on the cover and it blended in too much with the picture. It wasn't accepted. I forwarded that email to my illustrator who got to do it later that day. Success finally. Sammi's third story is now out in the world. I have two versions of the book to show. How? Well, when I first uploaded it all, I ordered a proof copy, which you should always do with a picture book, and that had the original cover that had to be changed. Once it was completely approved and published, I ordered a few author copies, including one for myself.

To see the new cover and read his third story, you can buy it here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1915114128

Happy reading.

Sensory issues with clothes

I have recently made a video of me talking about sensory issues I have with clothes. There is one other sensory issue I have but it isn't to do with having Asperger's. It is to do with the scar I have from my heart surgery. Most of my clothes have pictures printed on them and not sewn so they don't have any backing. I do have a couple of nighties though that do. When I wore them last year during the hot weather, the backing on them did rub against my scar and make it itch. I had never had this problem before but now I do. I think I will be giving those nighties to a charity shop now that I can't wear them any longer.

To find out about my other sensory issues, check out my YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvh3FOnxCAiITh1cosZM_Lg

To find out more about me growing up with Asperger's, why not check out the Autism Parenting Magazine. I have had articles in it this year; January and this month. You can find the magazine here https://members.autismparentingmagazine.com/dap/a/?a=55311&p=AutismParentingMagazine.com/how_to_purchase

Is autism genetic? My view.

 

Yes, that is me when I first started secondary school back in the early 80s. Oh my. 

So, I know there has been some debate whether autism is genetic and runs in families. My view? Yes, it is and does. I know of lots of adults who are autistic and have autistic children. I know of adults who were diagnosed after their children were diagnosed with autism; the most known one in recent years being Christine McGuiness. I have Asperger's (yes, I know that's not on the spectrum anymore but it was what I was diagnosed with and I keep that), so did I get autism from a family member? The answer is - I believe from my dad. My dad died in 2019 but it was never mentioned to him and we didn't know. He had other major health issues to contend with over the years he lived but there were clues there that he was autistic. It was only when I was diagnosed in 2011 and was asked by the psychologists if I had a family member who also had Asperger's that we said my dad. 

So what clues were there that he was autistic? Well, the two that come to mind are calling out across the room to others, and he didn't keep eye contact with my mum when she spoke to him (this was when he was in hospital one time). Those are the two things that came to mind when we were asked.

So, do you believe that autism is genetic? Let me know.

Find out about my children's autism books next Saturday

 This time next week I will have done my first talk and workshop to a SEN group at Dulwich library. My server can't upload the poster I have so I will post the details here.

Saturday 8 June 2024 from 2pm - 3.30pm

Sensory session at Dulwich library

A relaxed session for families with neurodivergent children this includes children with autistic spectrum disorder, adhd and anyone with SEND who would particularly benefit from a tailored sensory environment 

Play with sensory toys, meet other parents and carers and find out about books and resources for supporting your child. siblings welcome. 

Join local author Julie Day who will be talking about her books including Rainbow School, a series following a group of children with autism as they navigate school life and friendships. Julie will also be selling her books for £5, please bring cash only.

Her books are also available to borrow from the library.

www.julieaday.co.uk

For more information please contact emilie - emilie.lewis@southwark.gov.uk

Places are limited to 25 for space. If you know of anyone who might be interested, please let them know.

Want to find out what Asperger's means to me?

 Would you like to know of another way you can find out about me and Asperger's/autism? As well as my website and my children's autism books, there is my YouTube channel. I started it ten years ago, talking about how I found out and was diagnosed with Asperger's, then I got back into writing again and never returned to it. Until this last week. I am creating more short videos of me talking about having Asperger's and what it does and doesn't mean for me. If you would like to learn more about autism and me, then why not pop over there. My latest talk is found here 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TfzTcTWTo4&t=5s

Please let me know somehow if you like it or not. I plan to do more about what it is and isn't for me, especially now I know how to record and upload it to the channel. 

If you know of anyone or organisation who might be interested about these, please let them know as I am working on workshops to help SEND children and their families using story ideas from my books.

Me and lying

 I mentioned that there are some lies I can say. Here are two. If someone (scammer) phones and says ‘about your computer’, I will say I don’t have a computer. If you wore something that looked horrible on you and you were a friend, I would say ‘mmm’. I wouldn’t want to upset you. I hate confrontation.

Yesterday I talked about lies that I can tell. Today I will mention ones I can't. I call them big lies eg if someone asks me to lie that I was with them when I wasn't, I just can't. I might try but it doesn't come out right and you are able to tell that I am lying. So if I say I was somewhere, I was there.

I will give you an example of what I mean about the latter. This happened years ago when I was working at Guy's campus. In the early days of my job in student services I would get given the task of going to the other campus (it was Guy's and St Thomas's) and set up exams for the students. On this one time I had set it up and had to wait for the invigilator to arrive. I needed to go to the toilet, so I did. While I was in there, I heard banging on the outside door. I think I called out I was here. I had assumed it was the invigilator. When I came out I went to the hall but there was no one there. I then went to the security and asked if anyone had arrived to get into the hall. They replied no. I went back to the hall and no one came. Anyway, when I got back to Guy's and where I worked, the staff member in charge at the time called me into his office. He told me off for not being there. I told him I was there but in the toilet, and what had happened. In effect, he really was saying to me that I was a liar. I hated that person at the time. I was so angry. I knew I was telling the truth. It was years later, after I was diagnosed with Asperger's and read about lying, or rather not being able to lie, that I knew. I cannot tell a lie. The staff member left to work in another department at the other campus soon after that.

Want to learn more about autism?

There are lots of ways to find and learn about autism, and these are the ways that I am learning from too. Even though I have Asperger's myself, there is still a lot about being autistic that is new to me and I am finding out. So let's find out together. I split the learning into two sections: fiction and non-fiction. I will start with fiction.

Fiction

Of course I will begin with my own children's autism books 'The Rainbow School' and 'The Pet Rescuers' for 7-10 year-olds. The first series you can find out from my website www.julieaday.co.uk and the second series can be found either via The Book Dragon or Amazon. I have yet to organise for my website designer to put them on there. All of them can be found on the Book Dragon website https://www.thebookdragon.co.uk/

I have just bought the 'Geek Girl' series by Holly Smale. Holly is autistic and I believe so is the main character. There is also 'The State of Grace' by Rachael Lucas which is based on her own daughter who is autistic.

Non-fiction

There are a couple of digital magazines that I know of. SEN magazine and Autism Parenting Magazine. I have had one article in the latter and hope to have more, which will be about growing up with autism and how my mum helped me over the years. You can find out more about this magazine here https://members.autismparentingmagazine.com/dap/a/?a=55311&p=AutismParentingMagazine.com/freegift

There are lots of books about autism and how to help autistics in life. Here are a few that I know about and I have read: Dr Temple Grandin, Pete Wharmby, Jane McNeice, Steve Silberman. There is also 'Marching to a different beat' by Sarah Ziegel, a mother of four autistic boys.

There are also groups on Facebook/Meta who offer webinars and training to help autistic adults and children. The ones I know about are The Nurture Progamme by Jodie Isitt, Ausome Training by Evaleen Whelan.

There is one community where there is learning from webinars, training and chat groups with like-minded autistics. That is Neurodiversity Training International. They have a community App called The EndeeSphere App, which I am an ambassador of. There is a free membership, which comes with a 7-day free trial of the paid version to start with. You can find out more about them here https://www.endeesphereapp.com/a/2147773941/zqK5pxow

All of the above are run by autistics themselves, so know what it is like to live as such.

Find out about autism from me and my books

 If you would like to know more about autism, there is one good way and that is to meet me. I will be at

Come and say hello to me. Find out more about autism, me and my children's autism books. There will be lots of other crafts being sold too. Possibly home made greeting cards, art and gifts. 

Hope to see some of you there. Let's celebrate National Autism Awareness Month together.

What does autism mean for you?

I thought I'd ask this question because something a cab driver said to me about autism on Wednesday made me think, what do others think autism is. This is what was said (not exact words):

I had told him where I was going and he asked me what was happening at the church. I replied that it was an autism family day for autism families organised by an autism charity.

The driver said something in the line of 'oh, autism can be funny with their routines and that. I drive a boy to school.'

When he said that, I thought, Mmm...

So I said, “Yes, we can be like that.”

He then said, “Oh, are you autistic?”

“Yes, I have Asperger's.” I then tried to explain to him why we like routines. I said it was to do with familiarity and the brain. If we were to go to a different place, our brains would get confused and we would have trouble transitioning from one place to another.

I think he apologised when I said I have Asperger's.

I hope that is what routine means to other autistics. Please let me know if this rings a bell with you. What does autism mean for you?

Autism and the heart

I have read that there are lots of different co-morbidities (don't like that word) that come with autism, and one of them is congenital heart defect. I had one of them, being born with a hole-in-the-heart (medical term is ventricular septal defect). If this is you, or you know someone with this, please read what I have to say. It might not happen to everyone who is autistic and has a heart defect but it can happen, which it did to me. In 2020 I fell seriously ill and didn't realise how serious and complicated it was, until 2021 when I ended up in hospital and being diagnosed with endocarditis. I had a blood test which revealed I had a bug in my blood. That bug had got into my blood stream and then to my heart via the hole-in-the-heart that was there. It then found the leaky heart valve I had (medical term for that is aortic regurgitation), where it made the valve worse so that it spread throughout my body during that year. It infected my valve so badly that it needed replacing, and I now have a mechanical heart valve. The hole-in-the-heart was stitched up during the main surgery.

So, how did the bug get in my blood in the first place? Well, I am not completely sure but I still think it was during a dental hygiene appointment when my teeth were being cleaned. This was before Covid, and procedures have slightly changed since then. If you have a congenital heart defect you will probably have a special card to take to your dentist when having treatment about having to have antibiotic cover. If you do have one of these, please use it and make sure your dentist/dental hygienist adheres to it. It is important to your health and heart. I will expand on that next week.

If you have a heart defect or even a leaky heart valve, please take care of both your heart and teeth. They are closely linked as I have found out to my own health, even if I did take the antibiotic cover on that day.

I am aware that not all autistics might have a heart defect, and not all people with heart defects are autistic. I have met a couple of people (both ladies) when I was in hospital both times who had heart defects and weren't autistic. 

If you would like to know more about how I coped with his heart infection and why I am passionate about it (dare I say it is close to my heart), then why not read my memoir 'Endocarditis - My Journey'. It is available on all digital platforms as an ebook, also as a paperback via my website (UK only), and from The Book Dragon bookshop instore and on-line. 

Being an adult with a heart condition

I have talked about how I was as a child with a heart condition but what about when I got older and became an adult. Well. If I had to walk so far, then I would have to stop along the way and get my breath back. I would also get a stitch in my side. I couldn't walk too far or too fast. I would get that stitch, and/or get out of breath by the time I got to my destination. I certainly couldn't run that far, either. For the bus, yes, but that was it. The last time I remember really running for a bus was several years ago now. My mum and I had got to one bus stop to see the bus we needed to go on to where we wanted to get to. The bus had to go round a main route which included traffic lights to get to the next stop. We walked fast with a bit of running. We made it and got on the bus, but it really puffed me out. I had a stitch in my side, I was out of breath, and I had a pain in my stomach as I was gasping for air. It was the worse I had been that I recall. I vowed not to do that again. I don't think we did.

Now that I have had the surgery and don't have the hole-in-the-heart, I think I might be all right that way. I don't know yet as I now walk with a stick due to balance issues caused by the perimenopause. So at the moment just running a little bit makes my balance even worse. I would like to think that I would be able to move like that without the stitch and the breathlessness. We shall see. I plan to build up my walking over time when it is warmer.

#HeartAwarenessMonth #hearthealth #adultcongenitalheartdisease

If you want to find out what happened to me so that I no longer have that hole in the heart, then it is all in my memoir which can be found either via my website, The Book Dragon bookshop, Amazon or all other digital platforms as an ebook. 

Childhood heart memories for Heart Awareness Month

 As mentioned in my last post it is Heart Awareness Month and I have been posting on social media all about heart health. I have also been posting bits about my memories of being a child with heart problems. Here is what I have been doing.

So I had a heart defect from birth. How did it affect me as a child? It made me physically slower than others. I remember when we played rounders at primary school (anyone else remember that?). I never used to be able to run past the first base. If I did, then I would stop, then run to the next point.

When I was at secondary school I was always one of the last to be chosen for team sports. I always knew that it was because I was quieter and slower than the others. I hated netball if I was in the team. Was anyone else the last to be chosen for team sports?

Another time I remember about being at secondary school with my then heart condition was a sports day. The rest of the school had to walk to the sports field, which was quite near the school but because of my heart condition I couldn't walk too far or fast so I was given permission to get a bus with a few others. Of course, the bus was late, so we were late. I think that when we got there we didn't know where to go either. When we finally found our school and class, the sports events had already started.

Do any of these relate to you, at all? Let me know either on the comments or find me on FB.

Heart Awareness Month is coming

 February is Heart Awareness Month. I plan to post different things about hearts, my heart and what I have been through, resilience and maybe even videos of me talking about my journey. I have already been posting on social media my own quotes on what resilience means to me but I will be adding more during the month to come. I want to give others an idea what I am capable of when it comes to talking about heart health and being resilient with it, as I am working on a programme of workshops to talk to people about helping autistic patients with their heart illnesses and hospital journeys.

If you want to learn more from me, and you're not already following me on social media, please do follow me and let me know if you want to learn more from me.

You can find me here 

Facebook: http://facebook.com/AuthorJulieDay

Instagram: http://instagram.com/juliednomo

Here is an example of what I have been doing on FB/Meta:

Resilience is thinking Oh my as you realise what you have been through the last three years.

I hope to see some of you there.

Let's learn about heart health and resilience.

Me and food sensory

Following from my last post, I am going to mention other foods that I don't like because I feel that they taste raw to me. Thinking about potatoes made me recall these.

Avocado – I know that some people do like these, but I don't. The only time I tried one, years ago, I didn't like it because to me it tasted too raw to me. I know it is a raw food but I just don't like them.

Asparagus – Again I have tried this only once, when I was at a writers' dinner and I thought let's just try it to see what it's like. Nope. Didn't like it. Tasted of nothing to me. Maybe it has that raw feeling for me too.

Broccoli – I tried this once as well and didn't like it. Too bitty for me. I now believe that it had that raw taste to it too.

There are other raw foods that I can't eat such as apples and pears, but that is because they are high in FODMAPs which give me IBS. In other words, they are too much fibre for me. A lot of foods that they say are healthy and good for you, I can't eat because they are too much for me, namely dark green and leafy vegetables. I can eat Brussels but only a few at a time, otherwise they will give me stomach pains. I think this is a reaction against the warfarin I have. Brussels contain vitamin K, and too much of that can have an effect on the warfarin and change the INR levels (blood clotting levels). 

Me and potatoes

I am sorry I've not been on here for ages but been so busy. I went into hospital in November. When I came out it was my birthday. Then it was preparing for Christmas. That was over and now it's new year. Here we are in 2024 already. 

I recently posted this as an article on LinkedIn as part of my sharing experiences as an Aspie. I thought I'd share it on here too.

I have recently read a memoir about a mother of four autistic sons and how she fought for the learning and education they needed to be able to speak and learn for their futures. In it, she mentions that one of her eldest sons explained why he never liked mashed potato for years. It made me think of my feelings towards mashed potato and other forms of potato. I have never really liked mashed potato as it reminded me of school dinners when it was lumpy. It put me off it. If I ever had it at home or elsewhere, I would mash it up with a fork to make sure there were no lumps. I still don't like it now, but if I have to have it then I will have something else with it eg baked beans or tomato ketchup to give it flavour. Maybe I think it is too bland. Or it could be that on its own I feel it tastes too raw. I don't mind it on cottage pie or shepherds pie. Possibly because as it is on top of meat, the meat gives it flavour. When my mum made it for us, she would mash it with our spread before layering it on the meat. This also gives it more flavour. I will eat boiled or new potatoes but like mashed potato I have to have something else with it to give it more flavour. With boiled potatoes I used to like them in a casserole, especially with herbs and stock. My mum used to cook a lovely chicken casserole and it made the potatoes more palatable. With new potatoes I have some of my sunflower spread, or I might dip it in beetroot juice if I have beetroot with them. Again it might be because I think the taste is either bland or too raw.

I don't know if this is an autistic thing, or other people who are non-autistic feel the same way as me. Please let me know.