Five tips to help an autistic child cope with masking after school

 If you have an autistic child who's been to school, here are a few tips to help them when they are home.

1. Have an area or room where your child can unwind and relax without any disturbances.

2. If your autistic child looks tired or stressed (can be both after having masked), let them relax in their own room.

3. If they want to stim or have fun with their special interests, let them.

4. When they are relaxed, then ask them if they have homework and when it has to be done by. Plan when they can do this.

5. Have a planner to hand to book these slots.

Here is a book that you can read all about autistic masking.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-Identify-Understand-Autism-Masking/dp/B0858WJW2M/ref=sr_1_11?tag=juliedayautho-21

I hope you have found this helpful.

ASD and common co-morbidity

I was born with a ventricular septal defect (hole in the heart or congenital heart disease). It wasn't until I was diagnosed with Asperger's in 2011 and read the report that I discovered that this is a common co-morbidity with ASD. Who knew?

So how does it affect me? I am slow, physically, than others. I get a stitch in my side and breathless when I either walk fast, go up a hill or run.

At school I hated PE because I'd be one of the last people to be chosen for teams; probably because I was slower. I hated the gym sessions in primary school. I couldn't do handstands because the blood would rush to my head and I'd go dizzy. In secondary school I remember when we had a sports day at a nearby stadium. Most of the school walked there but I had to get the bus with a few others in my class. We got off at the wrong stop and were late for the start.

When I was little I was told that the hole would decrease in size when I got older but over the last couple of years, I've been told that it has done the opposite and stretched. I still get breathless going too fast or up hill. Sometimes when I walk fast I can hear my heart beat louder, as it's worked hard.

So, that is my common co-morbidity with ASD. Do you have one, too? How does it affect you?

I have loosely based Book 3 of my Rainbow School series ' Susie and the Jiggling Jumper' on me. Susie has a heart condition which makes her slower than her classmates and her little sister, so she has to overcome this with her ASD.

Susie's advice with coping with the anxiety of a heart condition is: 'Don't worry about this. Do things at your own pace and don't feel pressured into doing something that you know you can't do.'

Why children can be alone in the playground

One of the questions I was asked to answer here was - why would children behave certain ways. So, I thought I'd post about why children would be seen to be alone in the playground, something I certainly have experience with as a child with Asperger's. So, here I am going to explain why I think it is from what I have read.

Why do some children be alone and not join in with others? This was me when I was at school - both at primary and secondary. I never really understood why until recently when I read about Asperger's and autism. The reason is 'social interaction impairment' and 'social imagination impairment'. This means that a child on the autism spectrum (and adult too) is confused about what to do and say to make friends. When do they speak? What do they say to make someone like them and get them to join in? How do they join in with games?

With me, I either was alone, tagged along with others and did what I was told to do, or played with the younger children at primary school. At secondary school I was just alone, or tagged along with other alone children.

So what do you do when you see a lone child? I am not an expert and don't have a degree about this, I am just saying from reading and experience.

1. Either you can approach the child, from the front and never from behind, and ask them if they want to play.
2. Explain the game to them
3. Or if you aren't sure, then leave them alone.
4. You could watch them to see what they like doing, then one day, talk to them about it.

So, they are my thoughts on this subject.

ASD and why children can have meltdowns

If you see another child in your class or playground crying, shouting, screaming or maybe on the ground, then they could be having a meltdown. This is not a tantrum, to get attention. This is usually because something has either upset them or have had a sensory overload. It could be because they have been bullied by another child. Or it could be because there is too much noise, too many people around them, too many smells, or in all too much stimulation around them for them to cope with.

If the child is being picked on, then please tell the teacher. Bullying in any way is not OK and should be dealt with.

So, what to do if you do see a child like this? Here are my ideas:

1. Tell a teacher or assistant you can see in the playground

2. Give the child space

3. Don't ask the child if they are OK.

4. Try to get other children not to interfere and tease

5. Does the child like something such as a toy? If so, maybe you can suggest to the teacher they take it to the child.

Please note that I am not an expert and don't have a degree. I am just going by experience and what I have read by experts.

My mermaid workshop

Yesterday I gave a children's workshop at my local library, based around my first mermaid ebook, 'The Quest'. The workshop was planned as a short reading from me, then getting the children to write their own ending and create their own cover.

It didn't work out quite as I planned. I only had two children come and join me, and both of them were younger than the ideal workshop age of 9-12. One little girl was 6, and the boy was 5. The boy was my friend, Heather's son. The little girl's mum drew a mermaid for her and then the girl coloured her in with pens that the library provided for me. Heather's boy drew squiggles and blobs with sticky glittery tubes. I managed to have a quick chat with Heather in between chatting with the girl.

I didn't sell any of the POD version of 'The Quest' or any of the badges I had with me. Heather did buy a copy of Creature Features Highlights 2 book, which we had arranged for the day.

Maybe another day will be better, I don't know. I didn't think it was that successful, although Heather did tell me on the phone later on that she thought I did a good job.

If you know of a library within London, or maybe even a school, that would be interested in having a mermaid workshop that involves reading, writing and arts and crafts, I'd like to know.

Asperger's Syndrome/autism and schooling

This post is in conjunction with a report in the Daily Mirror the other day about a boy who was excluded from school because he has Asperger's.

Back in the 1980s and 90s I was at primary and secondary school. In both schools I was bullied by other girls, yet I had an education. Some lessons I liked, some I didn't. I still had an education. But it appears that children with Asperger's are not getting this education I had. Why? Well, the report I read in the paper said that this boy had been getting on fine at primary school, albeit he did have habits such as banging pencils on a desk. Then he was diagnosed with AS, and the school excluded him, not being able to cope with him - this was a mainstream school. The same happened with his secondary school, and now he is being home-educated by his mother. I feel that this is really bad, esp as it says that this excluding of children without warning is illegal.

But there can be a good side to this. If the mother is home-schooling her son, then she can teach him the basic subjects and the ones that are most important for when you are an adult, such as maths, literacy, not topics like science or geography.

I have read there are mainstream schools that do have special needs units in them for children with AS or autism, so maybe this mother can find one of these for her son.

So, I wish the mother all the luck in the world with educating her son. From me, who did have an education whilst not knowing she had Asperger's at the time, and was bullied.

Character names - are yours similar?

When I was thinking about all the ebooks and books and stories I've been writing recently, it occurred to me that most of the names of the characters I've created are very similar. In my YA fantasy series 'The Guardian Angels' there is Lizzie and Danny. In my 7+ magical school series I'm writing there is Billy and now Charlie. In my first attempt at writing for middle-grade, there is Rosie and Allie (short for Alexandra). I am trying to put in characters with different sounding names, really.
I do wonder if it is because my name is Julie and has the sound at the end.

So, was wondering, do any of you out there give your characters similar sounding names like I've done? Let me know, so I feel not alone in doing it. Look forward to hearing from you all.

Question Time - Need ideas

I have lots of ideas for pitches of articles about living with Asperger's Syndrome, but my main ideal would be to have a column for a year or so in a magazine. I have thought of 8 ideas already on 'how to cope with AS and anxiety' but need a few more if I were to have a year to do it.   Here are the ideas I've come up with already. How to cope with AS and anxiety ...

1. At Christmas
2. If you get lost by going to a new place
3., Going to social events
4. At primary school
5. At secondary school
6. Starting work
7. With family at home
8. If you are bullied
9.  With friendship

Would be glad to have more ideas so when I come to pitch a column later on I have plenty to give and impress.

Look forward to hearing from you all. I will be putting a message about this on FB and possibly Twitter.

An Aspergirl in lessons

I am back to my Aspergirl series. Good news on this front. I have had accepted my idea for articles about how I found out and was diagnosed with Asperger's by an Australian magazine that writes about autism and Asperger's. Just my thing. They want it in two parts, so have been working on that.

Back to my blog series. So I am at secondary school still. I was very quiet but hardworking in lessons. I never volunteered to answer questions, always the person to keep their hand down, and didn't want to read out loud any work from books we had to work on. That was until near the end of the 5th year when I decided to be brave and do that. The feeling I had then when I was chosen to read out loud was how I feel now when I have to introduce myself or read out my work in writing talks. I go through what I want to say in my head, and when my time comes, I get it jumbled. Or when it comes my time to read the work, I can feel my hands going sweaty, my heart beating loudly that I wonder if anyone else can hear it.

A couple of years ago I wrote a poem for a competition about this feeling. I didn't get anywhere though. Here it is now.

Feeling Brave

 

I put my hand up to speak

and see the teacher smile

only to find I can only squeak

and want to run a mile

 

But I open my mouth and am heard

and I’m the one that’s smiling

as I say more than a word

and have not gone into hiding

 

That’s the day I stopped my nerve

from taking over me

It was a true learning curve

which I conquered finally

 

 

I hope you like it.