Friday, 25 October 2019

Perimenopause and panic and anxiety attacks

I thought I had been going well with coming downstairs here at home, but a couple of weeks ago I had another panic attack upstairs. I froze at the top of the stairs and it took me three goes to get down. I think it might have been something to do with the fact at the time we had our gardener here and my mum was preoccupied, so I had to cope with it on my own. It feels that my brain doesn't like doing too much on its own these days.

It certainly doesn't like me walking outside on my own, not even for a few steps. When I went shopping the other day with my mum, she gave me something to put into a bin by the bus stop we were at. I tried but froze. It felt that it didn't like the openness of the space and didn't want to fall.

I originally thought the anxiety and panic attacks I had last year were to do with blood pressure tablets I had been taking, but now I have had another one and am on a different tablet which is working, I am more inclined to think that it was the start of the perimenopause for me. Grrr...

It has got me thinking about this horrible anxiety lark I am having with the perimenopause. It seems that it has heightened the anxiety I have for stairs and heights, and for going out on my own. It certainly doesn't like open spaces outside these days.

We shall see how I go.

Sunday, 7 July 2019

Asperger's, perimenopause, anxiety and crossing roads

I am sorry I haven't been on here recently. Life went pear shaped in April when my dad passed away. It has been a tough few months. Anyway, throughout all that I have been having CBT for my anxiety crossing roads. I feel I have made v slow progress. When I am with my therapist on my road, I am able to cross my road and back again a few times, and have managed this for a few sessions. But when I am on my own with my mum watching me from the gate, I waver and get anxious again. I have only managed it once with my mum, the second time I managed to cross the road but couldn't get back again because I felt so anxious and afraid to fall. This past week I have only managed to cross the road ahead of my mum but on my own, not next to her. It is small steps but that's how I feel I can cope with the anxiety. I might try again tomorrow as it is the last day before my next session.

I believe it is going to be a slow and long process but I want to get there as my mum has great difficulty walking and doesn't like going out on her own anymore.

Sunday, 17 March 2019

Menopause, anxiety, stairs = progress

There has been progress with me coming downstairs during the day at home. This morning I went up and down twice - when I came down first thing and without doing any mindfulness exercise, then later on to need the toilet as my mum was washing the floor of the utility room. I have been doing this in stages this year and hope to progress more soon. Here are the stages:

Stage 1: Get used to being upstairs in my bedroom. Do things with my back to the door. Do mindfulness exercise before coming downstairs, telling myself to go slow.

Stage 2: While upstairs, get used to going from one room to another one. Do mindfulness exercise and go downstairs, telling myself to go slow.

Stage 3: Go upstairs to do something extra in the morning one day more, such as making the bed, no mindfulness exercise but still tell myself to go slow. This is where I am at now.

I am slowly building up to more. I am determined to get there. On Thursday I had to go up and down twice. First to make my bed. But then later on that morning I fell ill with a UTI and had to go to bed. If my brain knows I have to do it, then I will.

Monday, 18 February 2019

The goals are achanging

In my last post about my writing goals this year I mentioned one goal I wanted to achieve, possibly, but if not do the alternative. The goal was to maybe submit more ideas to a certain magazine that published short stories that was suited to what I write. That goal has now completely changed, because the magazine has changed their rights policy. When I had my story published with them last year, I was given the rights back after publication. That magazine now has a contract (which I didn't get) asking for All Rights. You can read more about it at You can also read more about it in the current issue of Writer's Forum magazine.

So what to do instead? Well, I am planning on getting all my magical and ghost stories together to put as a collection. I am also going to enter more competitions and write more fillers, starting this week. I will be entering a flash fiction competition this week, and have in mind to write a couple of bits for Writer's Forum magazine. Watch this space...

Wednesday, 16 January 2019

New writing goals

Happy new year. Yes, I know it's a bit late but have been busy with personal things going on. So, it's a new year, and I have more writing goals with one main one to focus on from this year on. I am going to concentrate on being an indie author and writing and publishing my ebooks/books for adults and children. I might think about sending an idea to a magazine that published a story of mine last year, but not sure. I have to go through any ghost stories I have already written and printed, see if they are suitable then write a blurb for it.

So here are my main writing goals:

1. Publish 'The Valentine's Card' in February. It is out for editing at the moment, and I am sorting out the cover for it. So this should happen.

2. Publish 'Qessa and the Bouncing Blazer'. Edits have been done and I just need to do minor checks on some repetition my editor pointed out.

3. Publish 'The Friend' short story. Will be later in the year as I haven't finished writing it yet. I know what the cover will look like.

4. Either send a ghost story to a magazine or work on ghost stories for a short story collection of my own I have in mind.

5. Get 'The Rainbow School Guide to Anxiety' ready for publication. Nearly finished this. Want to add illustrations to this and work out the cover.

The first three I will definitely do this year. Hopefully the other two, too.

Well, they are my goals for this year as a proper indie author. Good luck with yours.