Perimenopause and panic and anxiety attacks

I thought I had been going well with coming downstairs here at home, but a couple of weeks ago I had another panic attack upstairs. I froze at the top of the stairs and it took me three goes to get down. I think it might have been something to do with the fact at the time we had our gardener here and my mum was preoccupied, so I had to cope with it on my own. It feels that my brain doesn't like doing too much on its own these days.

It certainly doesn't like me walking outside on my own, not even for a few steps. When I went shopping the other day with my mum, she gave me something to put into a bin by the bus stop we were at. I tried but froze. It felt that it didn't like the openness of the space and didn't want to fall.

I originally thought the anxiety and panic attacks I had last year were to do with blood pressure tablets I had been taking, but now I have had another one and am on a different tablet which is working, I am more inclined to think that it was the start of the perimenopause for me. Grrr...

It has got me thinking about this horrible anxiety lark I am having with the perimenopause. It seems that it has heightened the anxiety I have for stairs and heights, and for going out on my own. It certainly doesn't like open spaces outside these days.



We shall see how I go.

Me, anxiety and...

the peri-menopause. Yes, I have reached that stage in my life. I have recently worked out that my anxiety is probably down to the perimenopause. I have been having hot flushes and put on weight, too, both symptoms of the menopause. I am now on HRT and am waiting for it to take effect. I am still anxious about crossing roads on my own, and going down stairs/steps. On Monday I went to the dentist at Guy's. To get home, we (my mum came with me for the first time), had to go down steps to get out the station. Sorry, no I couldn't do that. It was dark and wet, the rails were wet and slippery. We ended up getting the lift up to the footbridge, walking across that then getting the lift down to the other side. Then we crossed the road to get a bus. We finally made it home. Before we had to go out to the chemist over the road to get my blood pressure tablets I had been waiting for.

I had been coping OK with our stairs at home in the morning, coming down them first time each day, until this morning. I had a bad hot flush, which made me feel dizzy, so got anxious about going downstairs. It took me half an hour to finally make it down, following my mum downstairs, slowly.  I now have to work out how to keep my face cool before I go downstairs so I don't get overheated again. Grrr....

I would like to know if you have had anxiety during the menopause, and how that affected you. Please let me know in the comments.

Preparation for a conference

This time next week I will be in Queen Mary's University, Mile End Road at the RNA conference. Hopefully learning something. I've been to a few conferences and retreats now, so know what I need to pack. So, if you are a newbie to a conference or retreat, here is what I have either already packed or will be packing:

I will be taking casual clothes to wear, with a spare top, trousers, underwear and socks. As well as spare shoes/sandals, and comfy ones. I do like to wear different shoes alternately, as they say it is best for your feet not to wear shoes more than one day at a time.

I have already packed emergency supplies eg paracetamol, plasters etc. This includes my medications.

I have already packed most of my toiletries, some of which were from when I went to the retreat in May. I am taking with me tubes and bottles of things that don't have much in, so if they empty there, I can just throw them away instead of carrying them home again, esp if they're not recycleable.

As a writer I will be taking with me: notepad and pens (be sure to take a few just in case), biz cards, postcards promoting my 1-2-1 author service, my programme and instructions, a small notepad to take notes of anyone interested in my service. A magazine to read in the evening. Oh yes, and a camera, to take photos of the place, people and the food, esp the food. This will be for my blog about eating out with food intolerances.

I will start packing next week with the last minute stuff on Friday morning. I can't wait. I have already worked out how I am going to get there, and it doesn't include having to walk up 46 steps at Mile End station.

I know I will have more with me coming home than going there, as I am aware there will be a goody bag with lots of promo stuff in inc books, and I will be buying a few books, too.

An Aspie overcoming new experiences

In my last post, I wrote about eating out on a yacht hotel. I mentioned that I would post about what I had to overcome that day, so here I am. As an Aspie, meeting new people and going to new places are out of our comfort zone, but I wanted to meet Rebecca and Lynda, so was determined I'd get there and reach my goal. I'd already Googled how to get to Excel London, so knew which lines to take to get there, it was finding the yacht that end that would be the problem.

The journey there was quite easy. I am a visual person when it comes to directions, so all I did was to look at the signs on the underground and DLR to tell me which way I had to go to get to the right platforms and trains. I got to Custom House station and found my first hurdle. I had to go through a glass covered walkway, and you could see out the sides to down to the street, to go out the other end. I told myself, look ahead not sideways. In a way, it was good for me that I had the distraction of Rebecca being on the other end and waiting for her phone calls to let me know where she was on her way to me. I managed to get out of the station, only to find another hurdle - steps going down. When I have to go down steps I need to hold on with my right hand as I'm right-handed, otherwise I feel awkward and might fall. The railings I went to had left-handed railings on it. I couldn't do it. There were there steps on the other side but they had gaps in and I didn't think I could do it. All this time, Rebecca was being v patient on the other end and being v encouraging. Knowing she was on her phone, waiting for me to reach the yacht, I knew I had to do it. So, I went to the other steps, took a deep breath, that first step and went down them to the bottom. I had done it. Now to get to the yacht, which I couldn't' miss. It was right there to the left of the steps, huge. Rebecca told me that when I got to the yacht, to pass my phone to the staff and she'd tell them that I could order whatever I wanted (within a reasonable price, of course) and they could put it on her room tab. This is what I did.

At 7.30pm that evening, I finally got to meet Rebecca. And found that she is just as nice in person, even more so, than on-line and over the phone.

So, I overcame going to a new place, getting down steps on my own and going into a yacht hotel and waiting on my own (which couldn't be helped), all in one day.