Me, anxiety and...

the peri-menopause. Yes, I have reached that stage in my life. I have recently worked out that my anxiety is probably down to the perimenopause. I have been having hot flushes and put on weight, too, both symptoms of the menopause. I am now on HRT and am waiting for it to take effect. I am still anxious about crossing roads on my own, and going down stairs/steps. On Monday I went to the dentist at Guy's. To get home, we (my mum came with me for the first time), had to go down steps to get out the station. Sorry, no I couldn't do that. It was dark and wet, the rails were wet and slippery. We ended up getting the lift up to the footbridge, walking across that then getting the lift down to the other side. Then we crossed the road to get a bus. We finally made it home. Before we had to go out to the chemist over the road to get my blood pressure tablets I had been waiting for.

I had been coping OK with our stairs at home in the morning, coming down them first time each day, until this morning. I had a bad hot flush, which made me feel dizzy, so got anxious about going downstairs. It took me half an hour to finally make it down, following my mum downstairs, slowly.  I now have to work out how to keep my face cool before I go downstairs so I don't get overheated again. Grrr....

I would like to know if you have had anxiety during the menopause, and how that affected you. Please let me know in the comments.

Me, anxiety and roads

There is a new anxiety I am having now - I can't cross roads on my own, which means that I can't get out on my own as I have to cross roads. I think it has to do with balance. When I went to see my GP a couple of weeks ago, I felt v anxious and my head was all over the place, and so was my body. I ended up having an anxiety attack in the middle of an island in a side road. I felt so off balance that I was going to fall. No one was around to help me and I had to cope on my own. I only managed to get to the clinic because other people did come to cross the main road, so I walked with them. I felt safer doing that. I can get home on my own locally because the buses I get on, both stop just round the corner to my road, so all I have to do is get off, and walk a few minutes round the corner.

This is so frustrating for me as I had been going out on my own a lot up until a couple of weeks ago. I had to because my mum, who walks with a stick, isn't that confident about shopping either. Maybe there was something there hidden in my brain that was anxiety, and something has triggered it all of ten-fold (it feels like hundred fold), telling me that I can't cope with doing that alone anymore and need help. It is hard for me and my mum because she now has to come with me if I need to go somewhere, even across the road to get the paper. I did try the other week, but got to the end of the road to where I usually cross to the garage, and froze, starting another anxiety attack. It is going to be a long, slow journey to get better, I believe. I want to get better.

This is now going to be a diary, which I might publish next year after I am better, journalling how I feel about situations.

Me, Anxiety and Heights

Following my last post, things have been happening; good and bad. The good is that I am now on another tablet for my blood pressure which has calmed me down a bit when I'm indoors. The bad is that my anxiety turned into both anxiety and panic attacks, which were the heart palpitations, shaking, dizziness. I still get anxious about coming downstairs, but have now found a way to cope with it in the morning. I breathe deeply, do a mindful exercise (tense and relax arms, hands, shoulders and head), tell myself to look to the floor, go slow and go. That way does work. I have managed to come downstairs at the first attempt using that method, inc this morning. But the anxiety raises my blood pressure. I haven't gone up and downstairs during the day or evening yet, although I do go and have a nap in the afternoon, when I am all right. I think it is because I am in my bedroom for all that time and not going back and forwards across the upstairs landing which looks down onto the stairs, which I do in the morning. I get changed for bed etc down in our utility room, which does have heating in. It's smaller than the bathroom but will do for now. I thought that it was just the stairs at home that affected me, but when I went into a Boots yesterday and they had a few stairs going down, I froze then, too.

I am going to take it a step at a time, knowing it will be a long term thing until I am better. I am going to my GP on Thursday to ask to get counselling about this, esp now that my anxiety has affected another part of my life - going out on my own, esp crossing the road. We shall see what happens. My next post will be about anxiety going out and what I plan to do about that.