The differences between a tantrum and a meltdown

 

I was going to do another short video about meltdowns, but as I now have a cold I am writing this instead. I might do the video next week. Following my last video about what are meltdowns, I thought I'd give a quick idea what I think the two differences are between meltdowns and tantrums. To listen to what I had to say, catch my video here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ4-EvwY09M&t=3s

1. When a child has a tantrum it is often attention seeking. So they might look up during the tantrum to see if someone has seen them. When a child/adult has a meltdown we are focussed on our own feelings. We might know what we are doing but we don't intend to seek attention.

2. When a child has a tantrum they can often shout out eg I hate you. When a child has a meltdown, they are focussed on their own emotions and not shouting out.

I know when I have had meltdowns, I cry and hate being the cause of attention. I try to calm myself down so no one can see how distressed I am.

I hope that makes sense.

Let me know what you think.

Anxiety in adults - Tips

I have had anxiety with meltdowns, mainly as an adult. I don't know about other Aspie adults, but I have found that my anxiety has got worse as I get older. But I have found ways to cope with the anxiety. Here are the situations I have been in and my tips to cope with them.

1. Shopping – Always take more money than is needed. This was the situation I was in when I had my first meltdown and had gone shopping on my own for the first time. I didn't have enough money to buy the tapestry threads I wanted, which upset me greatly.

2. Shopping with someone else – Arrange to meet at a certain point in the shop or outside if you get separated.

3. Going to a new place - Work out times and transport to get there. Leave with plenty of time, especially if it's for an appointment. When there, take a map. Make a note of any landmarks eg a shop or statue, so you know where you are going.

4. Job interview application – If you feel it will help you, then do put down on the form that you have Asperger's/autism, and explain how it affects you, what they can do to help you in the interview. Eg eyes, questions etc. Familiarise yourself with the place and job. If you don't understand a question, ask them to repeat it but in simple language. I recall the last interview I had when I only suspected I had Asperger's. A couple of the questions I took too long to answer and replied wrongly. If I had asked for it to be repeated simply, I might have got a different outcome – fail. As it was, I didn't get the job. It turned out to be the right thing in the end, as I got the time to find out about myself more and get diagnosed.

5. Appointments running late – This one really makes me anxious and worked up. If your appointment is running v late, do tell the consultant when you see them. They will understand, and hopefully will arrange your next appointment to be at an earlier time in the day.

Do you find anxiety is worse as an adult? How do you cope?

Me, Asperger's and Adult Meltdowns

Autistic children grow up to be autistic adults. They aren't cured, they don't grow out of it. It stays with us, and sometimes, in the case of me, it can get worse as we get older.

You might have seen films about autistic children having meltdowns in shops, adults can have meltdowns, too. I don't remember having meltdowns as a child (probably did) but I do when I was growing up from a teenager to an adult. Here are a few times.

The first one I really recall was one of my first shopping trips by myself. It was local. I had gone to buy some tapestry bits for doing a cross-stitch tapestry. When I came to pay for them, I realised I didn't have enough money. I was mortified. I left the shop in tears, and without a thing.

Cause: Frustration. Motto – Always take more than enough money when going shopping.

The second example was when I was at work. I had gone for an interview for another job in the same department. It was the written test, and included sums, especially percentages, which I am not good at all. I read it but still couldn't work it out. I got so upset, I ran out of the room in tears and to the nearest toilet. Not a good example for future employers. I was calmed down by my then team manager. I never got the job, and in hindsight, it was a good thing.

Cause: frustration. Motto - If you can't understand something, especially in an interview, I feel that it is best left out. If in doubt, leave it out.

The last example comes from the recent past of a few years ago. My mum and I used to go to the local big Sainsbury's. I used to get IBS within half an hour of starting walking round the aisles, so had to leave my mum to carry on while I went elsewhere. Only, when I came out, I couldn't find her and panicked. This caused me to get upset and cry, making me lose all reasonable thought. When my mum found me, I had a go at her, crying, causing a scene. Definitely a meltdown.

Cause: separation anxiety. Motto - Agree to meet at a particular point in the shop if you get separated. Or the parent to wait outside the toilet. We ended up agreeing to meet in the centre of the store. It worked.

So, adults can have meltdowns. I plan to write out a guide to meltdowns and shutdowns in due course.

My autism event and an interesting question

Yesterday as part of World Autism Awareness Week #WAAW2017 I did an event at my local community library to raise awareness of the condition. I was helped by my friend John Caritas. My author friend, Amanda Lilywhite (Hi, Amanda) came with her autistic daughter and her father as she said she would. We got talking about autism and other things.

Amanda's daughter asked me an interesting question, which I replied, I don't know. She asked me, Why do I have a different autism than her (she has normal autism). I then said it could be genetics as I believe that it is in the genes of our families. (I think I got mine from my dad). I did try to explain using an image of the rainbow, that at one end there is me with Asperger's who can do things for myself which she probably can't, going along to the far end where people can't do things for themselves and have what is called classic autism. This got me thinking about it. I wonder if people are born with different levels of autism in relation to how much autism there can be along their family lines. So, if a child was born with both parents being autistic; one with Asperger's and the other with autism, the child would be more autistic, than say a child born with just one autistic parent.
What would your answer have been? Why do you think people are born with different levels of autism?

Anyway, Amanda bought a copy of Billy from me for her daughter, which I signed. They had to go after a while because of her daughter being autistic. Later on John walked round the library and found a couple of other parents to meet me so I could tell them what I am doing about raising awareness. They had heard of autism, but didn't know about it being Awareness Week. I gave them my handouts about ASD and what it involves for children then adults, and meltdowns and shutdowns. I also gave out cards promoting Billy.

At noon I packed up to go home. I gave the librarian copies of my cards and handouts, because she wanted them as she had told me that people do want to know about it. I might speak to her about this when I see her again in a couple of weeks time.

After this, I decided that my passion is to raise awareness of autism more not by giving talks but by writing guides on various topics to do with ASD such as anxiety and bullying, and maybe sell this together. Yesterday made me realise that people do know about autism but aren't aware of what it all involves, so I want to work on that in all ways I can with my writing.

ASD and why children can have meltdowns

If you see another child in your class or playground crying, shouting, screaming or maybe on the ground, then they could be having a meltdown. This is not a tantrum, to get attention. This is usually because something has either upset them or have had a sensory overload. It could be because they have been bullied by another child. Or it could be because there is too much noise, too many people around them, too many smells, or in all too much stimulation around them for them to cope with.

If the child is being picked on, then please tell the teacher. Bullying in any way is not OK and should be dealt with.

So, what to do if you do see a child like this? Here are my ideas:

1. Tell a teacher or assistant you can see in the playground

2. Give the child space

3. Don't ask the child if they are OK.

4. Try to get other children not to interfere and tease

5. Does the child like something such as a toy? If so, maybe you can suggest to the teacher they take it to the child.

Please note that I am not an expert and don't have a degree. I am just going by experience and what I have read by experts.

Shopping as an Aspie

When I usually go shopping, I don't think about myself as an Aspie and how everything affects me. I just get on with where I want to go and what I want to get, then go home. But last time I went shopping, I took  note of all the things around me that could affect me as an Aspie. Here is what I thought.

On the bus going there, if I'm with my mum I will chat to her so I try to tune in to what she is saying and tune out others talking; but this can be hard when other people have v loud voices and shout to each other, and little ones crying. If I am on my own I usually look out the window and tune out other people talking around me.

Inside the shopping centre I noted all the lights and the music. The lights were quite bright and could really affect someone, esp a child, with a sensory challenge to lights. The music was quite loud in places, with different music coming from different shops at various levels. Can be a hard challenge to a child with major challenges with noise. I don't mind communicating with shop staff because I have to, but I try not to speak as much as I want to. One thing I don't like is having to go back and check something with staff in a shop eg being charged wrongly. I hate this as I feel that everyone is looking at me, and I hate confrontations.

So, here are my tips for shopping as an Aspie:

1. Write a list of what you want to buy
2. Put that list in order of the shops you need to go to
3. Try to tune out other people's chat on the bus
4. At the shopping centre, try to tune out the constant chatter and music
5. Concentrate on just what you want and where you are going.
6. If you get flustered, and have an Aspie card, and feel you might have a meltdown, then show it to people. Don't be afraid to do that.

So that is how I felt shopping as an Aspie and my tips for a good shop. If you have any more tips, please let me know.