Autistic masking at home

 I have been recording videos about autistic masking and what it is and how we mask. If you haven't listened to them yet, please do. They are on myYouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@julieday9517

As I am tired today, I thought I would continue with the series but with this blog. I am going to talk about autistic masking at home. Here are my thoughts.

Do I, or have I masked, at home? When I thought about this for the blog, I felt that my answer was, no, not when I was with my family indoors. When someone visited or we visited them, that was a different matter. Looking back over the years, I don't recall having to mask when I was at home with my family. If someone came to see us or stay with us, usually relatives, I think I did mask. Having to say hello, be cheerful to them. Or if we went and visited them, which I am thinking of years ago as a child when we visited an aunt and uncle on my dad's side, I definitely did mask. I remember I would play with my cousins for a while, then after enough time I would find my mum and be with her. Either sitting down in the lounge area or in the kitchen where she was helping my aunt. It was always when we went out anywhere that I masked. To the shops, to relatives, to hospitals. Any where with other people. Not when I was indoors with my own family. I feel that it was as an adult, especially after I was diagnosed with Asperger's, that the mask slipped and I would sometimes reveal my autism self. It would be when we had visitors and the noise of the chatting got too much for my brain and I sensed it becoming an overload so would go to another room to keep calm and quiet.

So, as an autistic, do you mask at home?

Why people stim

As a neurotypical child/adult (you don't have Autism Spectrum Disorder), you might wonder why a child would rock to and fro, or flap and wave their hands about. This is called stimming and isn't harmful. They might do this if there is a lot of sensory things going on around them, or they are anxious about something. Stimming calms them down and lets them take control of their emotions again. So, don't try to stop them.

As a child, I never did either of them (not that I know about, anyway). But one thing I know I did, up until just before my 21^st, was bite my fingernails. This was down to anxiety I know now. Whenever I was at home, I'd be OK and my nails would start growing. But as soon as I went back to school or work in later years, I bit them again. This went on until just before I turned 21. I had been working for a couple of years. I think I had got used to the people there and the jobs I had to do, and had been so busy that I didn't have time to bite my nails. They began to grow. So I decided then to let them. I started wearing nail varnish to help me. Once they grew, I stopped, seeing how nice they looked. Now I cringe when I think about what I did, and when I see other people, usually men, bite their nails. I don't know how I let my fingers be like that, they must have been so sore and red.

When my dad used to live with us (he's in a care home now), I used to see him twiddle his thumbs. It annoyed me because I could see it happen out the corner of my eye when I read or watched TV. I now think that this was him stimming because I believe he has Asperger's too.

So, if you see a child either rock or flap, think about what's going on around them. Is there too much noise? Too many people? Being bullied?

ASD and why children can have meltdowns

If you see another child in your class or playground crying, shouting, screaming or maybe on the ground, then they could be having a meltdown. This is not a tantrum, to get attention. This is usually because something has either upset them or have had a sensory overload. It could be because they have been bullied by another child. Or it could be because there is too much noise, too many people around them, too many smells, or in all too much stimulation around them for them to cope with.

If the child is being picked on, then please tell the teacher. Bullying in any way is not OK and should be dealt with.

So, what to do if you do see a child like this? Here are my ideas:

1. Tell a teacher or assistant you can see in the playground

2. Give the child space

3. Don't ask the child if they are OK.

4. Try to get other children not to interfere and tease

5. Does the child like something such as a toy? If so, maybe you can suggest to the teacher they take it to the child.

Please note that I am not an expert and don't have a degree. I am just going by experience and what I have read by experts.

Autism spectrum disorder and school bells

Welcome to a new series about why children (and adults) behave in certain ways at school and at home. The first post is about behaving when there is a loud noise at school ie school bells ringing.

There might be a child who either cringes or puts their hands over their ears or screams and cries when the school bells rings out. This is because the noise of the bell sounds too loud for their head and ears. It is known as sensory overload. The noise hurts their head and ears.

The same can be said for screeching noises such as fingers and rubbers over a board. The high-pitched sound is too painful for them to bear. (I hate sounds such as these as they make my teeth go on edge).

Here are a few tips.

If you do know of children who act like this, may be you can warn them beforehand when the bell is due to go. Like the main character in my current children's book, Qessa, her friend and teacher points to their ears as a warning. So they can put their hands over their ears ready.

Another idea is to have headphones, which can dull the highness of the bell ringing. Qessa's teacher gifted her a set to wear.

Using a blog to raise awareness

I thought I might write a post about why and how I use this blog. Part of this blog is about posting on living with Asperger's Syndrome and how it affects me now as an adult and when I was a child. I started posting about this because I feel, and still do, that not a lot of people know what Asperger's is and how it affects others. Even I don't know the full extent of how it really affects me and I have it.

So, I am going to keep posting on here about different aspects of Asperger's; from sensory overload, to communication, from childhood to adulthood.

I will possibly be blogging more about this the end of March, which is National Autism Awareness Week, including promoting a library event I have planned for that time.

So, if you want to know more about Asperger's, and esp how it affects me, then keep reading.

Me, Asperger's and sensory overload - noise

Today's blog is all about how noise affects me and my Asperger's. It is called Sensory Overload. I am going to give the example of last Thursday, when I had to go to bed with an overload of chatter.

Last Thursday my uncle on my mum's side came over for a couple of hours. He has a loud voice anyway, but that day he forgot his hearing aids, so it was even louder and my mum had to raise her voice so he could hear her. Even with the kitchen door closed to, I could still hear the chatter going on. Now and then I would try concentrating on things I wanted to do such as typing, or walk from room to room, or go upstairs to get away from it. But after two hours of hearing it, my head started to go fuzzy and then finally spinning round inside. I knew then that I couldn't take any more, so I did what I don't like doing; going to bed when we have a visitor. I had no choice. I went to bed and shed a few tears because it upset me, feeling anti-social to my uncle.

My mum later told me that my uncle had asked her if it was in my head. My mum replied that no, it was how my brain is and can't take a lot of noise, esp loud ones.

So, here are my tips to coping with noise overload:

1. Try to concentrate on other things such as reading or writing. Things that take your mind away from the chatter.

2. Go in the garden for some air, if it's not too cold.

3. Go upstairs for a few minutes to get a breather.

4. You could tell your relative that their voice is proving too much for you, please calm it down.

5. Shut a door to the noise, but tell people what you are doing first and why

6. If it all fails, then go up to your room and stay there.

I hope that this gives people some insight to people coping with noise and overload of it, and how others with Asperger's can cope with it.

Me, Asperger's and noise

One of the things that does affect me and my Asperger's is noise. Though, what noise it is has changed since I was a child and how it has changed.

When I was a child I hated going through the local subway under the train station. I think I feared the trains would fall down on me. I would stand one end, wait for a train to go over, then dash to the other end. I had to get used to it as it was the main way to get to the station if I had to go to hospital, and later to work. I did get used to it.

Another thing I hated when I was a child, and still do, is a balloon bursting. The bang makes me jump, so if you have a balloon and are with me, please don't burst that balloon. I won't like it, and I won't like you.

It seemed to be sudden noises I didn't like when I was a child, but now as an adult with Asperger's, noise comes to me as a sensory overload. I can't take too much loud noise in a small space eg loud voices in a small room. It makes my head go fuzzy, I can't take any more, and have to go into a quiet room, usually my bedroom upstairs. I think this must have been why when I went to a writers' party, after a while I would go to sit down away from the rest of the authors chatting. If I can get away from the noise, either to another area, another room or outside, then I will. It helps my head to calm down, and therefore, me to calm down, too, because I get upset if I have to leave a room when there are other people there.

So, that is how noise has affected me in the past, and affects me now. If you have Asperger's, how does noise affect you? The same? Let me know.

An Aspergirl and Sensitivities

As someone with Asperger's Syndrome, I am sensitive to a lot of things, the main ones being noise and messiness on people. By that, I mean if someone is eating and leaves food round their mouth. This makes me feel ill.

Noise - When I was a child, I hated the noise of trains going over the subway. I always either used to wait until they went past or run through the subway to the other side. Now, I don't mind as I have had to get used to it over the years when I went to work and had to get trains. I still don't like the noise of balloons popping, and someone scratching the surface of a table or board. That squeakiness puts my teeth on edge.

Also, I have become very sensitive to people talking loudly in a small room. This is sensory overload for me, and I have to either go into another quiet room or upstairs or in the garden.

Food - I think this sensitivity comes from years ago when I was at primary school. I knew a girl who was bullied by others and one day she was so sad that when she ate her dinner, her hair hung in her food and the food stayed there. This really made me feel ill. I still can't abide people leaving food on them, esp their mouths.

One other thing I am sensitive to, is when someone I know cries, I cry too. Most of the time I can't sense other people's true emotions having Asperger's, but when someone cries you can certainly and I find this upsetting and get tearful too.

So, what are you sensitive about? Let me know, and if it has anything to do with having AS.

Asperger's Syndrome and sensory overload - What is it?

At the weekend I had sensory overload. I think this is something that could be connected with my Asperger's. So what is sensory overload? For me, it was when my brain can't cope with any more senses and shuts down. I feel my brain shutting down when I read or go on the computer. After a couple of minutes, it goes all foggy and I can't cope with what I am seeing and have to put down the book or shut off the computer. It first started on Saturday afternoon. I had been to a goal-setting brunch in Holborn that morning and didn't get home until 1.45pm. An hour later I went to bed for a nap. When I woke up, I felt worse. I began reading and felt my brain shutting down. I thought that having dinner would help. It did for a while. Until the following morning. I was all right when I got up, went over the road to get the paper. When I got home, I browsed the paper and started browsing the magazine. It was then I felt my brain begin shutting down again.

So how do you cope with sensory overload? I now know when I have it, so don't fight it. I rest either sitting quietly in my armchair, or usually go to bed for a while on and off during the day. This is what I did on Sunday. I felt so tired and washed out. I ended up going to bed really early just before 8pm.

Sensory overload normally happens to me when I have done too much, and includes too much travelling. This time I had been to a day workshop by London Bridge on the Friday (two trains), and to a goal-setting brunch in Holborn (two buses). The fact that I had travelled two days in a row, and had taken in lots of information on both days, my brain found it hard to cope with any more so shut down. Told me I needed a day's rest.

So that is what sensory overload is and how I cope with it. If you have any questions or advice, please don't hesitate to comment here.