Me, anxiety and roads

There is a new anxiety I am having now - I can't cross roads on my own, which means that I can't get out on my own as I have to cross roads. I think it has to do with balance. When I went to see my GP a couple of weeks ago, I felt v anxious and my head was all over the place, and so was my body. I ended up having an anxiety attack in the middle of an island in a side road. I felt so off balance that I was going to fall. No one was around to help me and I had to cope on my own. I only managed to get to the clinic because other people did come to cross the main road, so I walked with them. I felt safer doing that. I can get home on my own locally because the buses I get on, both stop just round the corner to my road, so all I have to do is get off, and walk a few minutes round the corner.

This is so frustrating for me as I had been going out on my own a lot up until a couple of weeks ago. I had to because my mum, who walks with a stick, isn't that confident about shopping either. Maybe there was something there hidden in my brain that was anxiety, and something has triggered it all of ten-fold (it feels like hundred fold), telling me that I can't cope with doing that alone anymore and need help. It is hard for me and my mum because she now has to come with me if I need to go somewhere, even across the road to get the paper. I did try the other week, but got to the end of the road to where I usually cross to the garage, and froze, starting another anxiety attack. It is going to be a long, slow journey to get better, I believe. I want to get better.

This is now going to be a diary, which I might publish next year after I am better, journalling how I feel about situations.

Shopping as an Aspie

When I usually go shopping, I don't think about myself as an Aspie and how everything affects me. I just get on with where I want to go and what I want to get, then go home. But last time I went shopping, I took  note of all the things around me that could affect me as an Aspie. Here is what I thought.

On the bus going there, if I'm with my mum I will chat to her so I try to tune in to what she is saying and tune out others talking; but this can be hard when other people have v loud voices and shout to each other, and little ones crying. If I am on my own I usually look out the window and tune out other people talking around me.

Inside the shopping centre I noted all the lights and the music. The lights were quite bright and could really affect someone, esp a child, with a sensory challenge to lights. The music was quite loud in places, with different music coming from different shops at various levels. Can be a hard challenge to a child with major challenges with noise. I don't mind communicating with shop staff because I have to, but I try not to speak as much as I want to. One thing I don't like is having to go back and check something with staff in a shop eg being charged wrongly. I hate this as I feel that everyone is looking at me, and I hate confrontations.

So, here are my tips for shopping as an Aspie:

1. Write a list of what you want to buy
2. Put that list in order of the shops you need to go to
3. Try to tune out other people's chat on the bus
4. At the shopping centre, try to tune out the constant chatter and music
5. Concentrate on just what you want and where you are going.
6. If you get flustered, and have an Aspie card, and feel you might have a meltdown, then show it to people. Don't be afraid to do that.

So that is how I felt shopping as an Aspie and my tips for a good shop. If you have any more tips, please let me know.

Me, Asperger's and travelling

The other day I posted on Facebook that I went to Bromley on my own. I got comments saying I was a good daughter because it was mainly to get ice cream for my mum. I am now posting to let people know how it was a big deal for me. I have been to Bromley before, but never on my own, it has always been with my mum. Mum said to me that when I go shopping with her I have always followed her like I have since I was a child. So true, I do do that. Mum hasn't been well this past month with possibly a UTI that knocked her energy and she was getting low on her dairy-free ice cream. The only place we can get it is in Waitrose at Bromley. First of all I said I didn't really want to go on my own, but got thinking that I have already been to Croydon, Charing X and Holborn on my own, so I could do Bromley if I knew where the bus ended up going. Once I set my mind to do a thing, it is part of that day's routine. Mum told me where the bus went and I made a mental note of this when I was on the bus. So, I went to Bromley, which involved getting 2 buses there, and 2 back. A lot of social energy used up. I got there, only to find they had one tub of ice cream, which I got.

So, I felt proud of myself, and Mum did too. I now feel that as I have done this once, I can do it again if I have to.

Mum is still unwell this week, so my brother is taking me shopping today.