The differences between a tantrum and a meltdown

 

I was going to do another short video about meltdowns, but as I now have a cold I am writing this instead. I might do the video next week. Following my last video about what are meltdowns, I thought I'd give a quick idea what I think the two differences are between meltdowns and tantrums. To listen to what I had to say, catch my video here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ4-EvwY09M&t=3s

1. When a child has a tantrum it is often attention seeking. So they might look up during the tantrum to see if someone has seen them. When a child/adult has a meltdown we are focussed on our own feelings. We might know what we are doing but we don't intend to seek attention.

2. When a child has a tantrum they can often shout out eg I hate you. When a child has a meltdown, they are focussed on their own emotions and not shouting out.

I know when I have had meltdowns, I cry and hate being the cause of attention. I try to calm myself down so no one can see how distressed I am.

I hope that makes sense.

Let me know what you think.

Why people stim

As a neurotypical child/adult (you don't have Autism Spectrum Disorder), you might wonder why a child would rock to and fro, or flap and wave their hands about. This is called stimming and isn't harmful. They might do this if there is a lot of sensory things going on around them, or they are anxious about something. Stimming calms them down and lets them take control of their emotions again. So, don't try to stop them.

As a child, I never did either of them (not that I know about, anyway). But one thing I know I did, up until just before my 21^st, was bite my fingernails. This was down to anxiety I know now. Whenever I was at home, I'd be OK and my nails would start growing. But as soon as I went back to school or work in later years, I bit them again. This went on until just before I turned 21. I had been working for a couple of years. I think I had got used to the people there and the jobs I had to do, and had been so busy that I didn't have time to bite my nails. They began to grow. So I decided then to let them. I started wearing nail varnish to help me. Once they grew, I stopped, seeing how nice they looked. Now I cringe when I think about what I did, and when I see other people, usually men, bite their nails. I don't know how I let my fingers be like that, they must have been so sore and red.

When my dad used to live with us (he's in a care home now), I used to see him twiddle his thumbs. It annoyed me because I could see it happen out the corner of my eye when I read or watched TV. I now think that this was him stimming because I believe he has Asperger's too.

So, if you see a child either rock or flap, think about what's going on around them. Is there too much noise? Too many people? Being bullied?

RNA Conference Day 3

Finally, I have got round to post about the last day of the conference.

The first talk I went to was by Catherine Jones, talking about her life in the army and writing career in the army and onwards. Then was a talk about how to keep readers reading by Emma Darwin. She told us the many ways of writing styles there are, inc one I didn't know about called 'free indirect style'.  She gave us exercises to do in the different writing styles. One of these gave me an idea for a teen/YA book.

Then was a talk by Tamsyn Murray about emotion in YA. She explained one three YA books are so successful: 'The Fault in our Stars', Hunger Games and the Year of the Rat. They have these in common: Strong indentifiable and central theme. Memorable characters, quality writing, fantastic storytelling, brilliant world building, love, romance, crossover appeal, word of mouth success, PR commitment from publisher and luck. You have to know your reader. Research what's out there. Remember how intense your teen years were. Understand that readers form strong bonds with characters they like - make them relatable and make them care. Let them experience loss in a safe way. How? ID your theme early. Know what your book wants to say. Create loveable characters. Do something different. Don't be afraid to write strong emotions. Deepen the conflict there is already not add more. In teen books, more action has to happen more often. MG is best for engagement.

So there you have what I learnt and come away with. I hope you have learnt something, too.

An Aspergirl and Sensitivities

As someone with Asperger's Syndrome, I am sensitive to a lot of things, the main ones being noise and messiness on people. By that, I mean if someone is eating and leaves food round their mouth. This makes me feel ill.

Noise - When I was a child, I hated the noise of trains going over the subway. I always either used to wait until they went past or run through the subway to the other side. Now, I don't mind as I have had to get used to it over the years when I went to work and had to get trains. I still don't like the noise of balloons popping, and someone scratching the surface of a table or board. That squeakiness puts my teeth on edge.

Also, I have become very sensitive to people talking loudly in a small room. This is sensory overload for me, and I have to either go into another quiet room or upstairs or in the garden.

Food - I think this sensitivity comes from years ago when I was at primary school. I knew a girl who was bullied by others and one day she was so sad that when she ate her dinner, her hair hung in her food and the food stayed there. This really made me feel ill. I still can't abide people leaving food on them, esp their mouths.

One other thing I am sensitive to, is when someone I know cries, I cry too. Most of the time I can't sense other people's true emotions having Asperger's, but when someone cries you can certainly and I find this upsetting and get tearful too.

So, what are you sensitive about? Let me know, and if it has anything to do with having AS.