Me and lying

 I mentioned that there are some lies I can say. Here are two. If someone (scammer) phones and says ‘about your computer’, I will say I don’t have a computer. If you wore something that looked horrible on you and you were a friend, I would say ‘mmm’. I wouldn’t want to upset you. I hate confrontation.

Yesterday I talked about lies that I can tell. Today I will mention ones I can't. I call them big lies eg if someone asks me to lie that I was with them when I wasn't, I just can't. I might try but it doesn't come out right and you are able to tell that I am lying. So if I say I was somewhere, I was there.

I will give you an example of what I mean about the latter. This happened years ago when I was working at Guy's campus. In the early days of my job in student services I would get given the task of going to the other campus (it was Guy's and St Thomas's) and set up exams for the students. On this one time I had set it up and had to wait for the invigilator to arrive. I needed to go to the toilet, so I did. While I was in there, I heard banging on the outside door. I think I called out I was here. I had assumed it was the invigilator. When I came out I went to the hall but there was no one there. I then went to the security and asked if anyone had arrived to get into the hall. They replied no. I went back to the hall and no one came. Anyway, when I got back to Guy's and where I worked, the staff member in charge at the time called me into his office. He told me off for not being there. I told him I was there but in the toilet, and what had happened. In effect, he really was saying to me that I was a liar. I hated that person at the time. I was so angry. I knew I was telling the truth. It was years later, after I was diagnosed with Asperger's and read about lying, or rather not being able to lie, that I knew. I cannot tell a lie. The staff member left to work in another department at the other campus soon after that.

Want to learn more about autism?

There are lots of ways to find and learn about autism, and these are the ways that I am learning from too. Even though I have Asperger's myself, there is still a lot about being autistic that is new to me and I am finding out. So let's find out together. I split the learning into two sections: fiction and non-fiction. I will start with fiction.

Fiction

Of course I will begin with my own children's autism books 'The Rainbow School' and 'The Pet Rescuers' for 7-10 year-olds. The first series you can find out from my website www.julieaday.co.uk and the second series can be found either via The Book Dragon or Amazon. I have yet to organise for my website designer to put them on there. All of them can be found on the Book Dragon website https://www.thebookdragon.co.uk/

I have just bought the 'Geek Girl' series by Holly Smale. Holly is autistic and I believe so is the main character. There is also 'The State of Grace' by Rachael Lucas which is based on her own daughter who is autistic.

Non-fiction

There are a couple of digital magazines that I know of. SEN magazine and Autism Parenting Magazine. I have had one article in the latter and hope to have more, which will be about growing up with autism and how my mum helped me over the years. You can find out more about this magazine here https://members.autismparentingmagazine.com/dap/a/?a=55311&p=AutismParentingMagazine.com/freegift

There are lots of books about autism and how to help autistics in life. Here are a few that I know about and I have read: Dr Temple Grandin, Pete Wharmby, Jane McNeice, Steve Silberman. There is also 'Marching to a different beat' by Sarah Ziegel, a mother of four autistic boys.

There are also groups on Facebook/Meta who offer webinars and training to help autistic adults and children. The ones I know about are The Nurture Progamme by Jodie Isitt, Ausome Training by Evaleen Whelan.

There is one community where there is learning from webinars, training and chat groups with like-minded autistics. That is Neurodiversity Training International. They have a community App called The EndeeSphere App, which I am an ambassador of. There is a free membership, which comes with a 7-day free trial of the paid version to start with. You can find out more about them here https://www.endeesphereapp.com/a/2147773941/zqK5pxow

All of the above are run by autistics themselves, so know what it is like to live as such.

Find out about autism from me and my books

 If you would like to know more about autism, there is one good way and that is to meet me. I will be at

Come and say hello to me. Find out more about autism, me and my children's autism books. There will be lots of other crafts being sold too. Possibly home made greeting cards, art and gifts. 

Hope to see some of you there. Let's celebrate National Autism Awareness Month together.

What does autism mean for you?

I thought I'd ask this question because something a cab driver said to me about autism on Wednesday made me think, what do others think autism is. This is what was said (not exact words):

I had told him where I was going and he asked me what was happening at the church. I replied that it was an autism family day for autism families organised by an autism charity.

The driver said something in the line of 'oh, autism can be funny with their routines and that. I drive a boy to school.'

When he said that, I thought, Mmm...

So I said, “Yes, we can be like that.”

He then said, “Oh, are you autistic?”

“Yes, I have Asperger's.” I then tried to explain to him why we like routines. I said it was to do with familiarity and the brain. If we were to go to a different place, our brains would get confused and we would have trouble transitioning from one place to another.

I think he apologised when I said I have Asperger's.

I hope that is what routine means to other autistics. Please let me know if this rings a bell with you. What does autism mean for you?

Autism and the heart

I have read that there are lots of different co-morbidities (don't like that word) that come with autism, and one of them is congenital heart defect. I had one of them, being born with a hole-in-the-heart (medical term is ventricular septal defect). If this is you, or you know someone with this, please read what I have to say. It might not happen to everyone who is autistic and has a heart defect but it can happen, which it did to me. In 2020 I fell seriously ill and didn't realise how serious and complicated it was, until 2021 when I ended up in hospital and being diagnosed with endocarditis. I had a blood test which revealed I had a bug in my blood. That bug had got into my blood stream and then to my heart via the hole-in-the-heart that was there. It then found the leaky heart valve I had (medical term for that is aortic regurgitation), where it made the valve worse so that it spread throughout my body during that year. It infected my valve so badly that it needed replacing, and I now have a mechanical heart valve. The hole-in-the-heart was stitched up during the main surgery.

So, how did the bug get in my blood in the first place? Well, I am not completely sure but I still think it was during a dental hygiene appointment when my teeth were being cleaned. This was before Covid, and procedures have slightly changed since then. If you have a congenital heart defect you will probably have a special card to take to your dentist when having treatment about having to have antibiotic cover. If you do have one of these, please use it and make sure your dentist/dental hygienist adheres to it. It is important to your health and heart. I will expand on that next week.

If you have a heart defect or even a leaky heart valve, please take care of both your heart and teeth. They are closely linked as I have found out to my own health, even if I did take the antibiotic cover on that day.

I am aware that not all autistics might have a heart defect, and not all people with heart defects are autistic. I have met a couple of people (both ladies) when I was in hospital both times who had heart defects and weren't autistic. 

If you would like to know more about how I coped with his heart infection and why I am passionate about it (dare I say it is close to my heart), then why not read my memoir 'Endocarditis - My Journey'. It is available on all digital platforms as an ebook, also as a paperback via my website (UK only), and from The Book Dragon bookshop instore and on-line. 

Being an adult with a heart condition

I have talked about how I was as a child with a heart condition but what about when I got older and became an adult. Well. If I had to walk so far, then I would have to stop along the way and get my breath back. I would also get a stitch in my side. I couldn't walk too far or too fast. I would get that stitch, and/or get out of breath by the time I got to my destination. I certainly couldn't run that far, either. For the bus, yes, but that was it. The last time I remember really running for a bus was several years ago now. My mum and I had got to one bus stop to see the bus we needed to go on to where we wanted to get to. The bus had to go round a main route which included traffic lights to get to the next stop. We walked fast with a bit of running. We made it and got on the bus, but it really puffed me out. I had a stitch in my side, I was out of breath, and I had a pain in my stomach as I was gasping for air. It was the worse I had been that I recall. I vowed not to do that again. I don't think we did.

Now that I have had the surgery and don't have the hole-in-the-heart, I think I might be all right that way. I don't know yet as I now walk with a stick due to balance issues caused by the perimenopause. So at the moment just running a little bit makes my balance even worse. I would like to think that I would be able to move like that without the stitch and the breathlessness. We shall see. I plan to build up my walking over time when it is warmer.

#HeartAwarenessMonth #hearthealth #adultcongenitalheartdisease

If you want to find out what happened to me so that I no longer have that hole in the heart, then it is all in my memoir which can be found either via my website, The Book Dragon bookshop, Amazon or all other digital platforms as an ebook. 

Childhood heart memories for Heart Awareness Month

 As mentioned in my last post it is Heart Awareness Month and I have been posting on social media all about heart health. I have also been posting bits about my memories of being a child with heart problems. Here is what I have been doing.

So I had a heart defect from birth. How did it affect me as a child? It made me physically slower than others. I remember when we played rounders at primary school (anyone else remember that?). I never used to be able to run past the first base. If I did, then I would stop, then run to the next point.

When I was at secondary school I was always one of the last to be chosen for team sports. I always knew that it was because I was quieter and slower than the others. I hated netball if I was in the team. Was anyone else the last to be chosen for team sports?

Another time I remember about being at secondary school with my then heart condition was a sports day. The rest of the school had to walk to the sports field, which was quite near the school but because of my heart condition I couldn't walk too far or fast so I was given permission to get a bus with a few others. Of course, the bus was late, so we were late. I think that when we got there we didn't know where to go either. When we finally found our school and class, the sports events had already started.

Do any of these relate to you, at all? Let me know either on the comments or find me on FB.