Resilience, Asperger's and the biggest change in my life

 I have been talking on here about being resilient. I have also been mentioning that people with Asperger's, like me, find it hard to cope with change. I feel that resilience and change go together, especially with me at the moment as I am going through the biggest change in my life (not talking about the perimenopause which they can call the change). I am of course talking about living on my own after being with my mum all my life. There have been times over the years when I did wonder how I would be and where when I was on my own, but it is nothing like I feel now. Here is how I thought about it over time.

As Mum's health and therefore her mobility got worse and she had to walk with a stick, I did wonder what would happen to me. I imagined at the time that maybe we could live in separate houses/flats next door to each other so we would still be there for each other when needed.

Then came 2021 when I came out of hospital and Mum came home, bed bound and with dementia. I knew that my previous image of the future was out of date. I now imagined that Mum's dementia would get worse until the time came that she had to go in a home. It would be a time of transition for me, getting used to living on my own before such time Mum wasn't  here any more. 

Then came last year when Mum came very ill and went into hospital, twice. That was a period of transition where I would visit Mum in hospital and come home to live alone the best I could. The year and a bit when Mum was home with carers taking care of her needs, was also a time of transition I believe, as I was the one who was doing all the work here at home as Mum no longer could. 

Until... the day came when I got the news she had gone. I miss her so much still.

In a way it is like I am sort of continuing life as I did when she was in hospital but deep down I know she isn't there. I get lonely. I get sad. At times it feels surreal still. My inner resilience dips at times when I cry. Thankfully I have the support of my brother and my friend to keep me going, most of the time. I also believe that Mum helped me cope with life over the years, especially the practical things such as washing etc. 

So, yes, resilience and change go together, as I believe you need some resilience to cope with change, especially when you have Asperger's.

When robins appear...

 Do you know the rest of the phrase? When robins appear, loved ones are near. I saw two robins together on the fence earlier today and it made me both smile and cry. They were together as they weren't fighting which robins are tend to do being territorial birds, so I guessed they were a couple. This made me wonder if they were there as my mum and dad visiting me to check up on me and see how I am coping. I do like robins. I don't normally think of robins that way, but today happens to be National Cardiac Rehab Day, a day that can be appropriate for me after what I have been through. Do you believe in the phrase?

If you want to read all about my 'inspiring' cardiac rehab journey when I was in hospital after heart surgery and when I came home two years ago (can't believe it was that long ago), then my memoir 'Endocarditis - My Journey' is available to buy as an ebook from all ebook platforms, and as a paperback from my website www.julieaday.co.uk, from Amazon and from The Book Dragon shop either on-line or in person at www.thebookdragaon.co.uk.