Roads, anxiety and lockdown

 I know that a lot of people, especially those with autism like me, had anxiety issues during lockdown. I did too. It wasn't just the unknown of it all and the uncertainty but how it affected my anxiety about going out on my own. Up until March I had been going really well. I had been able to cross my road on my own, walked ahead of my mum down the roads and in the shops with more confidence. And then, wham, came the lockdown and we couldn't go out unless absolutely necessary. Now that we are able to get out again for shopping, I have lost that bit of confidence. I am OK when it comes to walking about in our local chemist as the floor is flat but crossing the road is another matter. It isn't just me, it's my mum. She finds it hard to walk anyway, but I believe that because we hadn't been able to get out and walk, it has made her feet and ankles even worse and more swollen, making it harder for her to get out again. She can't walk on her own without me anymore, esp crossing the road. So that has gone for me for now. I feel that maybe in time I will get that confidence back and be able to get out on my own again. I felt that way before the lockdown. I felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I could get somewhere on my own. We shall see. It will come. I will have to keep telling myself that.

Being proactive in promotional sales

One of my main writing goals this year was to promote my adult magical realism ebooks more, and I have been doing this and will be doing so again next month. The way forward is to find ways to do this that are free and can reach as many readers as you want. This is why I am taking part in the ebook distributor Smashwords' promo sale next month. I also took part in their last sale period. Did I get any sales? One, but it was one more than I had before I took part. I also had a few free purchases, which could turn into readers for me, who knows. It is why I have already set up to take part next month. I have put one of my magical realism series at a discounted price with the first ebook as free and the rest cheaper. To find out which series it is and what I have done, why not sign up for my book newsletter at  http://eepurl.com/b3zDYv

This is one of the reasons I decided to go wide with all my ebooks, and not be exclusive with Amazon. I wanted to reach as many readers as possible. It is also why I think other indie authors who are on Smashwords too, should take part in this promo sale period. Smashwords also has their own ebook store and share that on their home page.

So, if you are an indie author who has gone wide with their ebooks. Come and join the sale.

Review of writing goals

I went to look at this blog to see what my writing goals were so I could review them, and saw that was when I last posted here. Oops. How lax of me. That shall be one of my goals then, to blog more. I did read what my goals were, and have had to rethink a couple, either because of what I write or because of current circumstances. So, here we go.

Not to give up on sending sci-fi stories out. I have given up, mainly because I have realised that the type of sci-fi I write (and want to write) isn't what the magazines want. They want gritty types whereas mine are more gentle and clean. Am now thinking about still writing them but for my own collection to publish, possibly next year.

Promote my children's books in libraries. Due to the lockdown, this has had to be put on hold until when I can do so.

Promote my ghost stories more. I have been promoting them now and then on Facebook, esp in groups I belong to.

I have found another way to promote them - write them for magazines. So I have found a market for them, with one acceptance so far. Yours Fiction (a quarterly magazine) that publishes just fiction wants ghost stories, so I have sent them two more stories so far. Am working on another, and have a couple more in mind, which were going to be put in my short story collection. Which brings me to my next goal -

Get together a collection of my ghost stories to publish. I have started. I have found some on Word and have put them in one folder ready to print out again and read through.

Another way to promote ghost stories is to write more ebooks with them in. I have thought of another series with a helpful ghost in, which I've been jotting down notes about over the last couple of weeks.

Last goal. Write the last in my Singleton magical realism series. Am still writing that. I want to finish the first draft this month. I want to publish before autumn, when I feel that traditional published books will eventually be published.

New goal - to publish Alistair's story in August/Sept.

So, I shall catch up sometime soon about these.

New writing goals

Wow, can't believe I wrote on her last in October. Where did those months go? Where is this month going, too? Can't believe it's middle of Jan already. Anyway, I made a few writing goals this year. Here they:

1. Not give up submitting sci-fi and fantasy stories. I have found a couple of new markets and will submit to them.

2. Continue branding my ghost stories by new covers to my Geraldine's Gems series.

3. Promote my ghost stories more.

4.Finish my 'Singleton' magical realism series. I have just started writing the last ebook in the series.

5. Keep promoting my children's books in the library.

6.Start putting together a ghost story collection. Once I have finished the Singleton series/

Will report back as I go. How about you? What are your goals this year?

Perimenopause and panic and anxiety attacks

I thought I had been going well with coming downstairs here at home, but a couple of weeks ago I had another panic attack upstairs. I froze at the top of the stairs and it took me three goes to get down. I think it might have been something to do with the fact at the time we had our gardener here and my mum was preoccupied, so I had to cope with it on my own. It feels that my brain doesn't like doing too much on its own these days.

It certainly doesn't like me walking outside on my own, not even for a few steps. When I went shopping the other day with my mum, she gave me something to put into a bin by the bus stop we were at. I tried but froze. It felt that it didn't like the openness of the space and didn't want to fall.

I originally thought the anxiety and panic attacks I had last year were to do with blood pressure tablets I had been taking, but now I have had another one and am on a different tablet which is working, I am more inclined to think that it was the start of the perimenopause for me. Grrr...

It has got me thinking about this horrible anxiety lark I am having with the perimenopause. It seems that it has heightened the anxiety I have for stairs and heights, and for going out on my own. It certainly doesn't like open spaces outside these days.



We shall see how I go.

Asperger's, perimenopause, anxiety and crossing roads

I am sorry I haven't been on here recently. Life went pear shaped in April when my dad passed away. It has been a tough few months. Anyway, throughout all that I have been having CBT for my anxiety crossing roads. I feel I have made v slow progress. When I am with my therapist on my road, I am able to cross my road and back again a few times, and have managed this for a few sessions. But when I am on my own with my mum watching me from the gate, I waver and get anxious again. I have only managed it once with my mum, the second time I managed to cross the road but couldn't get back again because I felt so anxious and afraid to fall. This past week I have only managed to cross the road ahead of my mum but on my own, not next to her. It is small steps but that's how I feel I can cope with the anxiety. I might try again tomorrow as it is the last day before my next session.

I believe it is going to be a slow and long process but I want to get there as my mum has great difficulty walking and doesn't like going out on her own anymore.

Menopause, anxiety, stairs = progress

There has been progress with me coming downstairs during the day at home. This morning I went up and down twice - when I came down first thing and without doing any mindfulness exercise, then later on to need the toilet as my mum was washing the floor of the utility room. I have been doing this in stages this year and hope to progress more soon. Here are the stages:

Stage 1: Get used to being upstairs in my bedroom. Do things with my back to the door. Do mindfulness exercise before coming downstairs, telling myself to go slow.

Stage 2: While upstairs, get used to going from one room to another one. Do mindfulness exercise and go downstairs, telling myself to go slow.

Stage 3: Go upstairs to do something extra in the morning one day more, such as making the bed, no mindfulness exercise but still tell myself to go slow. This is where I am at now.

I am slowly building up to more. I am determined to get there. On Thursday I had to go up and down twice. First to make my bed. But then later on that morning I fell ill with a UTI and had to go to bed. If my brain knows I have to do it, then I will.