Resilience, Asperger's and the biggest change in my life

 I have been talking on here about being resilient. I have also been mentioning that people with Asperger's, like me, find it hard to cope with change. I feel that resilience and change go together, especially with me at the moment as I am going through the biggest change in my life (not talking about the perimenopause which they can call the change). I am of course talking about living on my own after being with my mum all my life. There have been times over the years when I did wonder how I would be and where when I was on my own, but it is nothing like I feel now. Here is how I thought about it over time.

As Mum's health and therefore her mobility got worse and she had to walk with a stick, I did wonder what would happen to me. I imagined at the time that maybe we could live in separate houses/flats next door to each other so we would still be there for each other when needed.

Then came 2021 when I came out of hospital and Mum came home, bed bound and with dementia. I knew that my previous image of the future was out of date. I now imagined that Mum's dementia would get worse until the time came that she had to go in a home. It would be a time of transition for me, getting used to living on my own before such time Mum wasn't  here any more. 

Then came last year when Mum came very ill and went into hospital, twice. That was a period of transition where I would visit Mum in hospital and come home to live alone the best I could. The year and a bit when Mum was home with carers taking care of her needs, was also a time of transition I believe, as I was the one who was doing all the work here at home as Mum no longer could. 

Until... the day came when I got the news she had gone. I miss her so much still.

In a way it is like I am sort of continuing life as I did when she was in hospital but deep down I know she isn't there. I get lonely. I get sad. At times it feels surreal still. My inner resilience dips at times when I cry. Thankfully I have the support of my brother and my friend to keep me going, most of the time. I also believe that Mum helped me cope with life over the years, especially the practical things such as washing etc. 

So, yes, resilience and change go together, as I believe you need some resilience to cope with change, especially when you have Asperger's.

Aspie and change number two

 Sorry I haven't been on here lately. So much has happened since Mum came home in June after her stroke. She was more subdued and quieter than before. Then a couple of weeks ago she caught a chest infection leading to sepsis. She is on the mend now and possibly coming home sometime next week.

Anyway, coming home from hospital was the next change in my life. I would be on my own as Mum was still in hospital herself then. Time to recuperate by myself. One change that was immediate was the layout of downstairs. Mum and I both had our beds brought downstairs by my brother. Here is what I wrote in my memoir coming soon.

 Alone, I sat down, put my head in my hands and said, “I'm home.” It was a different home to when I had left back in February. The living room was now a cum-bedroom with both my and my mum's beds in there. The sofa was now in the dining room with Mum's clothes on it. The dining table had been dismantled and put upstairs. All done by Ian. What an amazing brother!

The second change was me having carers coming in to help me. I never thought I'd have carers, not until I was older anyway. It helped me a lot. But being on my own, having to do things by myself, was a major change for me. It was the longest I had been on my own in the house for ages. Up until then the longest I had been on my own was a weekend in 2016 when Mum was in hospital. It really helped me find my feet, and I feel now that it stood me in good stead for future times when I have to be on my own, like now. At least I know now that I can and am able to live on my own when the time comes, which I know it will sooner than later.